Thinky Thoughts: Pulling the plug

Just our boys. On the road. In their Baby.

Towing Dean's homemade coffin. Like you do.

The themes of mental illness from Season 14 -- and possibly carrying over from Season 13 -- are boiling over into some of the most overt imagery we've seen to date from Supernatural.

You can't get more blatant than the beauty that is Baby being forced to drag around this ugly appendage that starkly symbolizes Dean's -- and, in no way a coincidence, Billie's -- final solution to the battle with Michael.

The suicidal symbolism runs throughout this episode, from the cop telling Nick, "You’re done. You’re buried," to poor Tony Alvarez, who -- upon realizing that God wasn't speaking to him -- grabs Dean's (yes, Dean's) gun and blows his brains out.

On top of it all, it looks like it's time to pull the plug on old Donatello -- or is it?

Cas gets his chance to apologize for what happened to the prophet -- it was necessary, but still, he wishes there had been a better way.

"I know the feeling," Dean says.

But Cas is having none of that. (P.S. I'm so glad fed-up-with-your-shit Cas is back. I can't even tell you.)

CAS: Oh, no. No, please don’t compare this with your suicidal plan. Just stop.

DEAN: OK, all right. Why don’t we talk about that later?

CAS: Because, according to your plan, there won’t *be* a later.

Now we're talking about a Supernatural cardinal sin. Giving up -- making things permanent -- closes the door on the Winchesters' main currency: Hope.

Turns out Donny has been saying things. Turns out Donny might not be totally gone after all. And Cas is going to try and fix him.

Suddenly, there's a shift in Dean. The spark of hope has lit his fire once again.

DR RASHAD: You said you wanted to discontinue treatments.

DEAN: And we’ve changed our minds. Look, if there’s a chance that Donatello could fight through this, then we’re gonna take it. He ain’t leaving the party if the music’s still playing. Clear?

And whose face is the first one Donatello sees? Dean's. With a heartfelt, "Hey, welcome back, champ."

Is he already rethinking his own plan? Was it Cas' words? A seemingly hopeless situation suddenly turning around for the better? We know how badly Dean needs his wins, how they heal his heart.

Sam, however, isn't doing so great.

In my previous post, I talked about this pivotal final scene, where Sam is stripped raw, reverting to a more childlike state, lost in despair that his big brother, his hero, could really be considering leaving him for good.

Knowing Jared's history with mental illness and suicidal thoughts makes the scene all the more powerful. As Sam loses grip on his normally tightly controlled feelings, it's Jared who we can see leaking out around the edges.

“Sorry.” How sorry are you? Sorry that you fight to keep Donatello alive, but when it comes to you, you just throw in the towel?

Or are you sorry that, after all these years, our entire lives, after I’ve looked up to you, after I’ve learned from you, I’ve copied you, I followed you to Hell and back… are you sorry that all of that, it –  it means nothing now?

... You’re telling me that I have to just throw away everything we stand for, throw away faith, throw away family. We’re the guys who save the world. We don’t just check out of it!

What you’re doing now, it’s – it’s wrong! It’s quitting!

I believe in us, Dean. Why don't you believe in us too?

It's clearer than ever now: The battle with Michael is all about mental illness. Michael, relentlessly spewing Dean's darkest thoughts. Dean, struggling to hold dominion over his own mind.

And there, always there, always taunting: The notion that the world would be better off if Dean was simply gone forever.

What does it mean to be strong? How do you go on when literally everything -- fate, the universe, forces beyond comprehension -- seems stacked against you? These are the questions that Supernatural has explored from its very beginnings.

So far, the answer? Always keep fighting.