Dean's Not Fine

So… you came out here to see Donna, to see Mom on some – some what? Some sick, secret farewell tour? Sam, I know it hurts. But there is no way your brother was going to leave without saying goodbye. This is Season 14, after all.  Dean needed a place to work, a place to do what needed to be done, without distractions, without hesitation. But there is no way anyone can convince me that he wasn't going to say goodbye to Sam, to Jack, to Cas.  He wanted the box to be a fait accompli, so he would need to brook no argument. He wanted to carry out the plan without debate. He took advantage of the opportunity to seek some measure of comfort from Donna and his mom ( see previous post ), but he was not going away permanently without telling his family.  And that's part of the difference I wanted to touch on here... This is Season 14. The brothers and Cas have been through so much. They have hurt each other, deceived each other, betrayed each other -- but they ...

Welp, now we know what Dean is doing with Billie's book. He's building a box -- for Michael, for himself, for eternity. But first, a little trip. And it isn't a "sick, secret farewell tour," as Sam eventually says (we'll get to all that in the next post). As far as I see it, Dean is on a Comfort Quest -- and as we all know, it defines him, and it's what he fully deserves. Before he sets off, he gives Sam an awkward but heartfelt hug -- one that immediately perplexes and disturbs the younger Winchester. Dean is obviously desperate for comfort here -- both to give and receive it, in that unique way that is absolutely Dean. I had to make sure I had captured this moment. Then it's off to see Donna. Who is more like Dean than Donna? She is also masterful at hiding (eating, burying) her pain -- something we don't get to see much of, given how rarely her character is on the show. But she and Dean are kindred spirits in that way, and th...

God and the Scribe  aka “Every writer needs a good editor" A poem by Jennie  @deanisntfine Written for the #SPNBDAY2018 project    I recently rewatched one of my very favorite "Supernatural" episodes, Robbie Thompson's seminal "Don't Call Me Shurley." It's an hour that resonates with nearly everyone in the SPN Family, but with me in perhaps a different way -- I am drawn to the interplay between the writer and his editor. That our Show puts God, the creator, in the guise of author is something that strikes me as completely perfect. And, as an editor, the relationship is one I'm intimately familiar with. It reminded me of this piece I wrote for this past summer's #SPNBDAY2018 project. I hope you enjoy it. The writer creates. Tiny worlds of intricate dimension. He becomes God. The editor... seeks only truth. The creator is committed to His truth. He's sure of it. His story. His way. The editor challenges that cer...

"I've never had anything this nice." -- Dean Winchester So now we're getting to the tough stuff. Forgive me, my thoughts are still very much jumbled on this. If you'd like, read Part 1 and Part 2 before we get started. While we waited through Hellatus, I had envisioned Rocky's Bar -- in my short stories Welcome to Rocky's and Last Call -- as a place where Michael kept Dean placated by sort of separating him into two halves... splitting the warrior off from the caretaker. The warrior, safely bound somewhere in Dean's mind. The caretaker, content to tend bar in a simple, but pleasant, fantasy. In my stories, Rocky is the absent owner, the guy who gets into scrapes, stirs up trouble, and Dean is "just Dean" -- a guy doing a job, who doesn't want to make waves with anyone. Rocky's turned out to be quite different -- and more than I could ever have imagined. A central question to me, though: Is this a place created by Mi...

Michael: Tell me. Why do you love this world enough to risk your own life? Castiel: Tell me. Why do you hate this world enough to burn it to the ground? How pissed off Michael must have been to find out that God was a close, personal friend of Dean Winchester's. #Supernatural #Nihilism rewatch — Dean's Not Fine #SPN300 💔🥃🥧 (@DeanIsntFine) January 18, 2019 Whoa... Steve Yockey, while doing some emotional, in-depth work with dialog and parallels in "Nihilism," also dropped some serious canon in our laps, didn't he? #Supernatural #Nihilism rewatch Cas is so absolutely done with hearing his brothers whine about their dad. — Dean's Not Fine #SPN300 💔🥃🥧 (@DeanIsntFine) January 18, 2019 I guess we shouldn't be surprised to hear that Michael has a beef with God... But in one little exchange with Cas, Yockey explains what we've all been wondering since the AU was introduced: Multiple worlds... multiple versi...

I set out to write a post that was sort of an elaboration on all the thoughts I had while watching -- and rewatching -- Steve Yockey's masterpiece "Nihilism." Turns out, it's gonna be three posts. Maybe more. So, so sorry. 😁 The thing that stuck with me the most was the ultimate invasion of Michael, to see Dean's thoughts, to spew them back out on the ones Dean loves. We've all had unkind thoughts about people we love. It's human nature. And Dean has been burdened... he's been hurt badly by the people he loves the most. (Yes, he's done his share of hurting too.) He's got to be more conflicted than anyone, in terms of his feelings for Sam, Cas and even Jack. Sam: His burden, his mission. The one who abandoned him. The one who betrayed him. The one who forsook him. Cas: Was meant to be his protector. Betrayed him, failed him, disappointed him more than once. (And remember all those times? "Cas, you child." "Baby i...

Last Call A Supernatural story by Jennie @DeanIsntFine Featuring Dean Winchester @DWImpala67 This is the third of my VBF stories, featuring my best fictional friend. It is set in the winter hiatus of Season 14, after "The Spear." To read the others, click: Part 1:  "VBF" Part 2:  "Welcome to Rocky's" Part 4:  "Nourished" Bells rang overhead as I walked back into Rocky’s Bar. It looked like little had changed since I left. Over a week ago. “Well, well, well!” Dean boomed. “If it isn't Jennie from St. Louis! Come on in, my friend. What brings you by on this cold and stormy night?” “Dean, buddy,” I said, shaking the snow from my hair, “there's nowhere else I'd rather be. Today is my birthday.” “Seriously?! Well, then. No Cosmic Cowboy for you.” He dumped the beer he had started pouring for me and reached down into a small fridge under the bar. He came up with a green and gold bottle, complete with foil-covere...

Naked A "Ten Inch Hero" coda by Jennie @deanisntfine Inspired by and dedicated to Mich @raiahome Priestly's basement apartment had just one, tiny window -- set high, facing west -- and now a buttery orange light was streaming in as the sun set. Tish was nestled in bed beside him, asleep, but turned away, facing the darker corners of his room. It had happened fast -- probably faster than he would have liked, to tell the truth... but there was no saying "no" to Tish. A force of nature is what she was... and she'd learned very well how to get what she wanted. It had fulfilled every one of his fantasies, of course. And then some. There was a naked  goddess  in his bed, for Christ's sake. Warm, willing. But in his  dreams,  they were more. A lot more. He just had to hold on to the hope that -- with time -- they would walk toward each other, then walk hand in hand, and make those dreams come true. *** Tish wasn't sleeping. Look...

It's not often we see a promotional shot from the CW that features all of Team Free Will 2.0... and even if this is a Photoshop chop job, I liked it as soon as I saw it.  First of all, I see no evidence of the (frankly insulting) airbrushing they did to earlier, solo versions of these photos... And we're all feeling some angst through Hellatus with Dean back under the thrall of Michael.  So I was inspired (thanks @dottweets for the photo editing) to make a little something to remind us what Supernatural is really about. ❤❤❤ 

Welcome to Rocky's A Supernatural story by Jennie @DeanIsntFine Featuring Dean Winchester @DWImpala67 This is the second of my VBF stories, featuring my best fictional friend. It is set in the winter hiatus of Season 14, after "The Spear." To read the others, click: Part 1: "VBF" Part 3: "Last Call" Part 4: "Nourished" The door was open, just a crack. I pushed it, and bells rang above my head as I entered. “Hey, welcome to Rocky’s!” the friendly bartender boomed. “What can I getcha?” My breath caught as I saw him, wiping a glass behind the bar. I quickly cleared my throat and answered as I crossed the scarred, plank wood floor. “You have anything fancy, maybe with a tiny umbrella?” I asked. He eyed me warily -- but with a hint of amusement. I let out the breath I’d been holding. “Um, no,” he said, gesturing broadly around the establishment. “If you want fancy, you’re in the wrong place, lady.” “No, no,” I said. I s...

My beautiful friend and GISH teammate, Caitlin , is back at it today with her Chosen Love Challenge ! #ChosenLoveChallenge Day 4: pic.twitter.com/8z46JdCUL1 — Caitlin 💞 (@_chosenlove_) January 5, 2019 Wow! This one is the best yet! And because I have so many favorite songs... I decided to throw a tricky puzzle/theme in there. (The answer is in the comments below!) So, please enjoy my totally plagiarized poem, "Time Enough to Cry." A pretty lady looked at me and said her diamond watch had stopped cold dead. Your tomorrow's not the same as today, I said. Where do you run when it's too much to bear? Who do you turn to when nobody's there? Day is night in New York City. Smoke, like water, runs inside. Steel idle trees to pity Every living thing that's died. Life is like the coldest winter. People freeze the tears I cry. People runnin' everywhere. Being pushed and shoved, trying to beat the clock. Just run around, run around ...

My beautiful friend and GISH teammate, Caitlin , surprised us at the start of the new year with her Chosen Love Challenges... I've already drawn a great childhood memory -- with crayons! -- and today she asked us to take just five minutes to write a story. #ChosenLoveChallenge Day 3: pic.twitter.com/RlcL4NrE5S — Caitlin 💞 (@_chosenlove_) January 3, 2019 Impossible yet wonderful! That sounded right up my alley! I thought about it for a few hours this morning... and I sat down at 3:20 p.m. to write my story. As promised, all done by 3:25 p.m. Here it is, reproduced, with just a little bit of editing (let's say that took another 5 minutes!). When he was born, they were both here. I guess that was a gift in itself. By the time he was 8 months old, they were both gone. I tried hard to make sure he grew up with every bit of love they'd given me. And more... the sum of all I'd learned as a grown-up. And all they'd learned as grandparents. I tried. An...