Dean's Not Fine

Connecting the Dots: Vancouver, Part 5 A Supernatural convention travelogue by Axy  @Aaaahhhxy Read Part 1  here . Read Part 2  here . Read Part 3  here . Read Part 4 here . While Jess still had a couple of ops with Misha, I went back into the main theatre, where Rob was on his own. And had MAJOR flashbacks of The Real Ghostbusters, which made me laugh about it as much as Rob did, while trying to imagine how Chuck would come back, Matrix-like. But to be perfectly honest, and fair to Rob, I was starting to feel a little (ha, a lot) anxious about the damn books, for so many reasons that I don’t think I’ll ever fully grasp them all. Very few people actually know why I created the To Supernatural With Love project. What was the number one brick of this Great Wall Of Us. Funnily enough, besides my best friend, there’s, as of today, one other person that knows. And it’s Jared. I was fed up with the free rein of hate in this fandom, and some vitriolic messages hur...

Connecting the Dots: Vancouver, Part 4 A Supernatural convention travelogue by Axy  @Aaaahhhxy Read Part 1  here . Read Part 2  here . Read Part 3 here . J2. Oh, God. If you have to do ONE op at any con, pick this one. It’s the best damn thing. My first one was mind-blowing, since, it’s nothing but the Winchester brothers, right ? SAM AND DEAN WINCHESTER. It’s insane to have them both with you. But I wanted this one to be playful and different. At the last minute, as I was headed for a good old Winchester hug, I had this idea that could end up being one awesome op. Jared was kind of surprised, in a “um, I’m pretty sure you are one of mine so WTF are you doing ??” that I went straight for Jensen and hugged him, and I asked Jared not to like it. I knew Jared wouldn’t so much as doubt there was no ill agenda behind it and that I was and would forever remain a Sam girl, but I also knew that if they both played it the way I hoped they would, the result could be br...

Connecting the Dots: Vancouver, Part 3 A Supernatural convention travelogue by Axy @Aaaahhhxy Read Part 1 here . Read Part 2 here . While we were queueing for SNS, they gave us bracelets and lights… And I was immediately hit by the reference hidden behind tonight’s lights. At Birmingham, it looked like a little glowing whistle, but here, oh, it was the exact same candle light as the one that Jared has on his profile picture on Instagram. *That* one. The one from Comic-Con, the one that had so much importance. Bright lights in a dark world. It both felt strange and so, so right to finally have mine, and it paired very well with whatever was in the air during the whole weekend. Also, for reasons I cannot justify, it made me feel briefly closer to my hero. Little did I knew that it was for a very good reason… He was actually there, on the silent part of the story.  Now that I am acquainted with Louden Swain and the beauty of the SNS, I had bought glow...

Connecting the Dots: Vancouver, Part 2 A Supernatural convention travelogue by Axy @Aaaahhhxy Read Part 1 here . There are very few things more exciting than a pre-registration evening. When your casual PDF Gold pass becomes an actual badge, an actual wristband, and shit is getting real. Maybe you can’t buy happiness, but you can buy convention passes and that’s pretty much the same thing. G31. There’s my home for the weekend. With our proud badges still around our necks, the girls and I found a nice place to get some dinner, and a quiet walk up the hilly hill.  I’m pretty sure there’s a vodka-raspberry hidden somewhere in that picture.  Earlier on, I’d experienced watching an episode of Supernatural live, in the city where they film it, before a convention. Mind-blowing. The episode was heart-wrenching and had me in tears more than once (as. per. usual) but it also, once again, solidified my love for that show in ways I couldn’t fathom or ex...

Connecting the Dots: Vancouver, Part 1 A Supernatural convention travelogue by Axy @Aaaahhhxy Sometimes, it feels like life is a game of connect the dots. You know, the ones we’re given as children, that, supposedly, once you’ve connected it all, give you a bigger picture you wouldn’t initially suspect. Going to Vancouver, attending Vancon this year was, for me, connecting the last dot. I now see the bigger picture. And it’s a stunning one. *** I was 8 when the first dot presented itself to me. Twenty-five years ago. As I was a little different than most of the other 8-year-old kids you could leave in front of some random cartoon for hours -- besides Scooby & the gang -- my dad decided to upgrade my viewing habits and attempt to show me something more adult, darker and deeper than I was supposed to be receptive of. My dad introduced me to The X-Files. Needless to say, it freaked me out… And ignited a fire in my soul that my dad was desperate to create. Being...