DC Diary: Dealing with disappointment

Bad stuff happens. And when you're of a certain mindset, like I am, you naturally assume that it'll happen to you.

63 weeks out from #SPNDC, I made the leap to do a big, stupid thing, just for me. I bought a Jensen op and a Rob op. A few weeks later, I bought a Silver ticket. 

Dread settled in. For sure I was going to get hit by a bus before Halloween 2019. I made solid plans about who should get my ticket and ops after I died.

The months passed, and it appeared that I wasn't going to die after all. But something bad would happen, right?

In March, the cast announced that the show would be ending. Suddenly, the pressure ramped up. I need to meet them. I need to tell them how important they are, how proud we are. How we'll be behind them in whatever they do next.

And then we found out that Chuck really does just love messing with us. One week before the con that I'd planned for over a year -- the con that I know others have been saving up for much longer than that -- Jared got arrested in Austin. 

That's the thing about disappointment. It sometimes lets us know that our priorities were just a little bit off in the first place. 

The wind left my sails again when Rich announced that he was busy directing "Lucifer" and wouldn't be able to attend. Welp. There goes Dick Chat, I thought. I had to smile, though: Rich was out there doing the exact thing that I'd been looking so forward to talking with him about for so many months. How could I not be happy for him?

The final blow came when Creation announced that Jared wouldn't be attending either. I knew it was coming. But it still hurt. Like a punch to the gut. 

I thought about everyone who was in my shoes -- finally headed to their one and only con -- but what if the thing they were most looking forward to was meeting Jared? What if that was their biggest dream? I know they are out there, and I know they're hurting. I can't imagine. 

My heart sank further when I saw the rush of people trying to sell their tickets, bailing out on the con entirely. It never for one second occurred to me to do that. Not even a millisecond. 

Disappointment's first job is go give us a chance to realign our priorities. I know that Jared must be trying to do what is best for him and his family right now. And if we support him, we have to support that. 

So, realigned priorities for Jennie: Hug my family goodbye. Tell them I love them. Send up another good thought for Jared, that he may be getting the hugs and love he needs right now. Board a big tin can (no small feat for this Dean-like traveler) and fly to meet my other family. Share hugs and smiles. Tell every one of the SPN cast who I will meet how much they are loved, respected, honored. Thank them for taking so much time out of their lives to be with us, and to build the crazy Winchester World that we love to inhabit. 

Oh, and in three days, I'm going to share at least one laugh with Jensen Ackles.

How could I be disappointed? 

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