If You're Gonna Have Faith

If You're Gonna Have Faith

A Supernatural story by Carla @curlybean1

A new entry in the second wave of the #SPNWishList fic and art challenge! Carla answered her own prompt: "Faith, as told from Layla Rourke's POV."  This story gives us such a beautiful, raw retelling of a beloved episode -- and, though her appearance was brief, a beloved character. Read and appreciate the depth and layers that Carla gives Layla as she struggles with her failing health, the expectations and demands of her mother, and most personally of all, her flagging faith. Enjoy! -- Jennie 

In Layla’s experience, faith was just something she’d always known. Of course, maybe that was because her life had been relatively easy up until now.

She’d grown up in a loving home, with parents who taught her to be positive, hopeful, and optimistic. She’d gone to good schools and spent time with good friends. And she’d gone to church every Wednesday night and Sunday morning, listening to the Reverend Roy Le Grange talk about God and miracles, fire and brimstone.

Layla loved to listen to Reverend Le Grange talk. The days that he would show up in their small Sunday school class were the best. He’d read from the bible, telling them stories of the miracles of the Old Testament -- the parting of the Red Sea that allowed the Israelites to escape the Egyptians; Moses striking the rock and water coming out; the miraculous Manna from Heaven that saved the Israelites from starving; Jonah and the whale.

Layla’s favorite story was the one about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego escaping the fiery furnace. She remembered Reverend Le Grange’s words about having faith even when you were made to walk through the fire. She loved the story so much that she begged her mom and dad to give her a baby brother and name him Shadrach.

Life was different now, though. Now she really was walking through the fire, and she hated to admit it, but her faith was flagging. If she were honest about things, she’d admit that the biggest reason for her dwindling faith was her mother. It was hard to see the lost look in her mom’s eyes, day after day. It was hard to witness the pain on her face, the hardening of her heart. It was even harder for Layla to maintain her own faith when she was spending so much time trying to keep her mother from drowning in a pit of despair and anger.

Then everything changed.

Reverend Le Grange -- a man who could’ve just as easily been in that same pit of despair and anger from his own circumstances -- woke up from a coma, blind but suddenly with the ability to heal. People flocked to Nebraska from all over, and suddenly the good reverend was doing God’s work. Miracles of healing for God’s beloved.

Layla couldn't believe the sudden change in her mother. Thanks to the worry she held for her daughter, the woman had barely been able to string two words together without crying. But now... now she was dragging Layla to every service, making sure they were seated in the front row, and making sure that Sue Ann Le Grange knew exactly why they were there.

Layla had no idea how the reverend was choosing who to heal, but she was determined to deal with everything with grace and hope. If... when… her time came, she would be ready for her miracle. She would have faith.

They were at their sixth service when Layla saw the young man. She could tell right away that he was ill. His face was pale, almost gray, and as much as she could tell he hated it, he never strayed too far from the younger, taller man he was with. The man’s weariness was almost palpable, and his reluctance to enter the tent was more than obvious.

Despite the sickly pallor that suffused his skin, Layla could tell that he was devastatingly handsome. She wondered about the relationship between the two men. Were they friends? Brothers? Lovers? Whatever they were to each other, she could tell that the ill man was loved deeply. The taller man rarely let his gaze move away from the other, and he seemed to be always on alert. Just in case he was needed. Just in case something happened. Just in case.

Later, as Layla listened to Reverend Le Grange explain things to the congregation, she couldn’t help but hear the skepticism and doubt that came from a person in the row behind her. She didn’t have to turn around to know who it was. She had witnessed some of his skepticism in the parking lot earlier, when she’d learned his name was Dean. Here at the urging of his brother, she’d been told. Sam.

Layla’s mother stiffened beside her when just seconds later Reverend Le Grange called Dean up to the stage. Layla’s heart fell a little, too, knowing that she had missed another chance to get her own miracle. But she couldn’t help but feel a little bit of joy, knowing that Dean would get his. She didn’t know what it was that made her feel like he deserved it more than anyone else in the tent… Something about him just spoke to her heart.

When she saw Dean again, she was genuinely happy that he had been healed. Her mother, on the other hand, was not. Layla wasn’t surprised by the return of her mother’s bitterness. She knew the woman was devastated. But she couldn’t keep the feeling of exasperation at bay this time. Her mother’s words to Dean were unacceptable, treating him as if he didn’t have just as much cause to be healed as Layla did.

Of course, it was written all over Dean’s face that he didn't believe either that he deserved to be healed more than she did. And that just about broke her heart.

By their seventh service, Layla was starting to doubt that God wanted her healed. Maybe it was truly her time to die, and who was she to argue with God’s will? She wasn't prepared to hear her name called from the pulpit, and it took her a few seconds to comprehend what was about to happen. The relief on her mother’s face sent hope soaring through her body. It was her time… Her time to be healed.

As Layla stepped toward the front of the tent, Dean stopped her, grabbing her arm.

“Layla, listen to me… You can’t go up there.”

She just looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “Why not? We’ve waited for months.”

“You can’t let Roy heal you,” Dean answered, adamantly.

“I don’t understand. Roy healed you, didn’t he? I mean, why wouldn't I at least let him try?"

“Because if you do, something bad is going to happen. I can’t explain it. I just need you to believe me.”

And there was a part of her that actually did. She hadn’t even known the man a whole day yet, but she believed him. Sue Ann Le Grange called to her, though, holding out her hand and encouraging her to come forward. Dean still held her arm.

“Please,” he begged.

Layla looked over at her mother and knew almost immediately that she couldn’t give up the chance she’d been given. If anything, her mother deserved for her to try. Turning back to Dean, she quietly said, “I’m sorry,” and walked up onto the stage.

She didn’t know for sure what happened next, but she had her suspicions. Reverend Le Grange had just placed his hand on her head, preparing to heal her, when suddenly someone yelled, “Fire! Hey, tent’s on fire. Fire! Everybody get out of here!”

Layla could only look around as everyone in the tent moved as quickly as they could to the exit. Her miracle still hadn’t manifested.

Once outside the tent, Layla watched as Dean was escorted out by the police. She looked on as Sue Ann confronted Dean, and she watched Dean closely, trying to figure out why he’d done what he did. She was surprised by the hurt and betrayal she felt. How could she feel that way when she didn’t even really know Dean? Why did she expect more from him than to be treated like that?

Once the police let go of Dean and left, he turned toward her. “Layla…”

“Why would you do that, Dean? You know it could’ve been my only chance.”

“He’s not a healer,” Dean tried to explain.

“He healed you!”

Dean looked at her with obvious pain in his eyes. She was taken aback by the emotion she saw. It seemed to take him a few seconds to figure out what he wanted to say to her, but she waited patiently. Finally, he was able to gather his words.

“I know it doesn’t seem fair. And I wish I could explain, but Roy’s not the answer. I’m sorry.”

Layla couldn't stop the tears from escaping her eyes as she looked at him. She knew the tears were from the loss of her chance for a miracle, but they were also for the lost look she saw on Dean’s face. There was a part of her that wanted to forgive him and tell him that everything was OK, but in the end she just said goodbye, wished him luck, and walked away.

That night, Reverend Le Grange held a private session just for Layla. She stood up on the stage next to the reverend, hope coursing through her body as everyone around her prayed. Reverend Le Grange put a hand on her shoulder and then moved it up to her head. She leaned into his touch for several seconds and then found herself dropping down to her knees. There was a feeling of warmth flooding her body, sending shock waves of healing energy through her. For the first time, she felt true, unadulterated hope for her future.

But then those feelings went away. Reverend Le Grange removed his hand from her head, confusion surrounding him as he tried to figure out what had happened.

“I don’t feel any different,” Layla said as she looked at her mother, seeing the very instant that realization hit her. She wasn’t healed. The tumor was still there. The feeling of warmth had completely left her, and now she was nearly numb with cold and loss and fear.

Layla slowly stood, her eyes darting between her mother and the reverend, who was calling out for his wife. Sue Ann was nowhere to be found.

It took Layla a while to wrap her head around everything that had happened. Sue Ann was dead, and Roy Le Grange was no longer able to heal people. She knew the man was devastated by the loss of his wife, but also by the loss of his healing powers. He really had just wanted to help people, after all.

When they were finally home, Layla sat her mother down on the sofa, made her a cup of tea, and finally talked about everything. She told her that everything was going to be OK, that God was in control of things, and that His will would be done, one way or another. Her mother wasn’t ready to accept that, but the anxiety of the last few days had finally allowed her to back off a little. Layla knew that they would need to have more frank conversations in the very near future, whether they wanted to or not.

She woke up the next morning to the sound of her phone ringing. Rolling over to grab it off of the nightstand, she was surprised to see a number she didn’t recognize. It didn’t take her long to recognize the voice, though.

After talking to Sam for several minutes, she finally agreed to come to their motel room to talk to Dean. There was a part of her that really didn’t want to see him again, but she realized that that was the part of her that was selfish and bitter. She wanted to excise those parts of her now. With only months to live, she didn’t want to waste any of her energy on things of that nature.

When she finally arrived at their motel room, she could tell that Dean was surprised to see her. Obviously, Sam hadn’t told his brother about her visit. Dean immediately stood up and faced her.

“Hey,” he said softly.

“Hey.”

“How did you know we were here?”

“Um, Sam called. He said you wanted to say goodbye.”

Dean looked over at his brother, who quickly removed himself from the room, leaving the two of them to stand in front of each other awkwardly. Layla walked around Dean, looking around the room.

“So, um… where are you going?” she asked as she turned to face him again.

“Oh, uh… don't know yet. Our work kinda takes us all over, so….”

“You know I went back to see Roy…”

“What happened?” Dean asked.

Layla could tell that he seemed a little nervous to hear her answer. She sat down on one of the beds and looked up at him, watching him as he sat down next to her. “Nothing. He laid his hand on my forehead, but nothing happened.”

Dean just looked at her sadly. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that it didn’t work.”

“And Sue Ann? She’s dead, you know. Stroke.”

“Yeah, I heard. You know, Roy’s a good man. He doesn’t deserve what’s happened.” Dean fidgeted nervously next to her before continuing. “Must be rough… to believe in something so much and have it disappoint you like that.”

Layla looked at Dean carefully, giving him a small smile. “You want to hear something weird?”

“Hmm…”

“I’m OK. Really. I guess if you're going to have faith, you can’t just have it when the miracles happen. You have to have it when they don’t.”

Dean looked at her as if he couldn’t quite believe she was real. “So, what now?” he asked.

Layla paused for several long seconds, taking in the man before her. “God works in mysterious ways,” she finally answered. On a whim, she moved her hand up to his hair, running her fingers through the short strands for a few seconds. “Goodbye, Dean,” she said as she quickly stood up and walked to the door.

Dean stood up and followed her. “Hey, um….” Dean cleared his throat. “You know, I’m not much of the praying type…. But, I’m going to pray for you.”

Layla could tell that Dean meant what he said, and that feeling of warmth that had flooded her when the reverend had started to heal her was now flooding her again. “Well… there’s a miracle right there.”

With one last look at Dean, she turned and walked out the door. She knew she’d be walking through fire, but she had faith that she wouldn’t be doing it alone.