Finale musings, or Why it's tough to Carry On

DISCLAIMER: All opinions and feelings about the Supernatural finale are valid. I am not trying to change any minds here. I'm just giving my own perspective, for what it's worth, which is no more or less than what YOUR perspective is worth. Or anyone's. This is how I, and only I, see the story. As always, YMMV. And that's a beautiful thing. <3

You can deeply appreciate something... and still wish you had more.

You can say thank you for your 8-ounce coffee, and even take a moment to be amazed by all the work by so many that it took to get it from a mountain in South America or Africa to your waiting, cold hands... and still wish you'd gotten the 12-ounce.

And you can really, really wish you'd gotten a donut to go with it. 

I guess that's how I feel about the finale of Supernatural. 

It was a beautiful piece of work. Especially the performances. Naturally. And as a story, in my opinion, it wasn't a bad one. In fact, I wrote something kind of like it, my very first fic, back when Chuck was still a good guy, and right after Dean said that if bacon was what killed him, he'd win. 

So, my misgivings aren't necessarily about Dean dying. And they're not about celebrating the depth of the brothers' bond. And I can't find any fault with those who loved it, who made it, who will treasure it as the final chapter of the Winchesters' epic tale.  

But I can wish I'd gotten the 12-ounce.

I'd add at least four ounces to both 15.19 and 15.20, actually. Maybe even 15.18 as well. This is not about me wanting to rewrite the story. But the storytellers did tease me with some very intriguing plot lines, and I do feel cheated that they weren't more fully explored.

I have questions. And I'd really like some answers. 

In my opinion, that's not fan service. These are things that the writers very deliberately chose to show me. And then (deliberately?) chose to drop.

The list of unanswered questions is a long one, too long to detail here. But they nag at me, and fester, into a kind of discontent that I don't want to feel, a bad taste in my mouth. Four more ounces of careful storytelling might have made all the difference, and that makes me sad. Pick up the threads you dropped. Show me where they lead. Show me why it matters.

And then there's that donut.

I didn't want it. I wasn't even thinking about it. But once you dangled it in front of me, I couldn't get it out of my mind. That's how I am with the sweetest things. 

Cas said "I love you." And Dean didn't get to tell his part of the story.

I'm not a shipper. Or, I wasn't, anyway. I'm not a rabble-rouser. I'm not spoiling for a fight with other parts of the fandom, the writers, the network, the powers that be. I actually avoid conflict whenever possible. I'm cowardly that way.

But I have concerns. 

I don't suffer from mental illness, but I know Dean did. And it concerns me that the message sent is that his peace, his happiness, came only in death. And from what we saw of his heaven, even there he never got the chance to develop an identity apart from his brother. (Here's how I feel about that.)

I have a family of my own, and they surround me with love, but it concerns me that the show's guiding construct of found family, which some in the fandom cling to like a lifeline, was seemingly tossed away in the name of "circular storytelling," a desire to return the brothers to their start. (Here's how I feel about that.)

I don't struggle to find representation, but it concerns me that those who do, especially those in the LGBTQ+ community, feel like the characters they relate to are being silenced or erased.  

Those who would judge might think all this makes me a bad Supernatural fan. But I don't think so. This show is personal to all of us. What we take away from it is as individual as we are. (Here's how I feel about that.)

The easiest thing to do would be to just stop caring. 

But how many of us can actually do that when it comes to this show?